THE DOG

A TRAGEDY IN TWO ACTS

by

VALENTIN KRASNOGOROV

[a.k.a. Valentin Fainberg]

 

Russian Translator: Benjamin Sher

(Translation Copyright © 1992 by Benjamin Sher)

Translated Under an Exclusive Agreement With The Playwright

AS PERFORMED THROUGHOUT RUSSIA

 

[Final -- Jan 20, 1998]

 


DRAMATIS PERSONAE

 

A MAN

 

A WOMAN

 

A DOG



The dog should be played by a young girl, preferably, nine to twelve years old. Although we shall characterize her stage action in "canine" terms (e.g. "she wags her tail", etc...), the actress ought to play her role in "human" terms.


Place

Somewhere in
Russia

Time

1980's

 


ACT ONE


(An uncomfortable room with bare walls. The room is furnished with nothing more than a desk, several seedy-looking chairs, and a bench. A dilapidated door leads into the interior of the building. A woman, wearing a shabby smock, is sitting at her desk. She is sewing an evening dress. Every now and then she glances at a fashion magazine on her desk. Enter a man holding a puppy tenderly in his arms. The puppy is wrapped in his jacket. See note above about how the puppy should be played)

Man

Good afternoon.

Woman

(Tears herself away from the sewing machine. Gives him a dirty look) How do you do? (She resumes her sewing. Unfolding the jacket, the man carefully lowers the puppy onto the floor. The puppy scurries nimbly about the room sniffing her unfamiliar surroundings. The man keeps shifting from one foot to the other. He obviously doesn't feel in his element and doesn't know how to strike up a conversation)

Man

Cold, don't you think? Cold and sunny. So damn cold out there! Who'd have thought?...

(Woman goes on with her sewing without responding. Man sits down, reaches for his cigarettes, flicks his lighter)

Woman

(Hostile tone) No smoking on the premises.

(Man puts lighter and cigarettes away)

Man

Imagine! One day about six weeks ago I was sitting in my apartment with nothing to do... So I said to myself: "Why not go to the store and pick up something?" (Expressive gesture) So I open the door to my apartment, and--would you believe!--this little puppy darts right in. You'd swear she'd been hanging around for just this. A little brown puppy with a white spot on her chest, intelligent little eyes, drooping ears. The cutest little thing. This wasn't a dog. It was a bundle of joy! But why am I going on like this? There is no need to describe her. Here she is right before your very eyes. Isn't she gorgeous?

Woman

(She remains silent, refusing so much as to glance at the dog)


Man

At first, I was sure she was an abandoned dog. Then, after looking a little closer, I changed my mind: She couldn't be a stray dog. She was so affectionate, so sleek, so fat, you could lick the soup off her lips. So I say to myself: "So long as no one comes looking for her, why not play with her for a while." So I pour milk into a bowl, pat her--and still no sign of the owner. So I say to myself: "How the hell is the owner supposed to know that his dog is here?" So I go outside, hang a "Dog Found" flyer on the front door of the house, in the store and at the bus stop, you know: DOG FOUND AT SUCH AND SUCH A PLACE ON SUCH AND SUCH A DAY. FOR DETAILS CALL SUCH AND SUCH, ETC. I return home, wait for someone to call, and--would you believe it--no one calls.

Woman

(Indifferently) Abandoned. (Goes on sewing)

Man

(Indignant) Abandoned? This cute little puppy? Impossible! Lost, I am sure, but... Anyway, I wait for awhile, then I say to myself: "No one's bothered to claim her, so I might as well give her a bath. After all, who knows what filthy gutters she's been hanging around... So I pour a little warm water into the bathtub, put her in. Suddenly, I'm terrified. What if she starts whimpering? Or scratching? Nothing of the sort! She takes one look at the water, sniffs at it, laps it with her tongue for a minute, then stands there as calm as can be. Just stands there looking at me. So I pick up a bar of soap and say: "Bubbles, give me your paw!" And, would you believe, she raises her paw just like I told her to!

Woman

(Perplexed, listlessly) And why "Bubbles"? What sort of name is this?

Man

(Confused) I really don't know... It just came into my head. She is a feisty little puppy... and she is little... and she is a girl. So there you have it: "Bubbles". Of course, it could've something to do with the bubbles in the bathtub. She's some bulldog, you know!

Woman


She's a boxer and not a bulldog.

Man

Oh, yeah, I know but when I found her I thought she was a bulldog... So I washed all four of her little paws, then her back and wrapped her in a towel. Then I put her on my lap, and all of a sudden, she starts licking my face... Then and there I knew I'd never give her up! (Calling Bubbles) Bubbles, come here! (The puppy runs up to her master) Shake! (The puppy raises her paw) Now the other paw! (The puppy offers the other paw) Good dog! (The man caresses his dog. Bubbles lies down at his feet)

Woman

What about the owner? Did he ever show up?

Man

No, and thank God he didn't! (He pats the dog) Ever since then my life's changed around completely. No matter where I am, night or day, I rush home as soon as I can ... I open the door and, would you believe, she is jumping all over, beside herself with joy. And me too, I am so happy I could cry. So I go out and buy her her own little rug and her own little bowl. I even start cooking soup for her... she's so full of life, so playful. And, boy, is she smart!... (Reaches into his pocket and pulls out a little stick) You don't believe me? Well, just watch! Fetch Bubbles, fetch! (He tosses the stick to Bubbles. She pounces on it, catches it in her mouth and returns it to her master, who takes the stick out of her mouth and pats her. He turns to the woman and says with pride) See what I mean?! There was a time when I knew nothing about them. In fact, I couldn't have cared less for these bulldogs or boxers or what have you. It's those jaws, you know. Downright terrifying... And it's true--on the surface these dogs look so vicious. But deep down you couldn't find a gentler soul. And they really aren't that ugly... As a matter of fact, Bubbles' face has kind of grown on me. So what if she isn't the most beautiful dog in the world? To me, she is gorgeous.

Woman

And just why are you telling me all this?

Man

Who else can I tell all this to?

Woman

Whomever you please.

Man

Aren't you interested?


Woman

No, I'm not. Besides, I am up to my neck with work.

(Returns to her sewing machine. Pause)


Man

Everybody kept telling me: "A dog is nothing but trouble."... Trouble? What trouble? Joy! Nothing but! Except, of course, that she catches colds easily. But, don't worry! I have seen to that. I 've knit her a little vest. In fact, I intended to put it on her today, but when I looked through the window, it looked so warm outside. The sun can really fool you. So I had to carry Bubbles in my arms all the way here. I'm walking along and, would you believe it, I keep seeing her curious little eyes peeping from under the jacket. Funny, isn't it? (Pats dog. Solicitously) I hope she doesn't get sick. (Takes off his jacket and covers the dog with it. Pause)

Woman

Well, have you talked yourself out yet?

(The man doesn't answer. The woman puts her sewing aside, opens a big ledger on her desk, picks up her pen and says) First name, please?


Man

I have already told you: "Bubbles."


Woman

No, not hers. Yours.

Man

(Reluctantly) Mikhail.

Woman

Surname?

Man

Kovalyof.

Woman

Do you have your certificate of registration?

Man

What certificate?

Woman

Those are the rules. Every pet must be registered with the Veterinary Station in the owner's name.


Man

I don't have a certificate. Why do you need it?

Woman

That's the way it's done. The dog could be somebody else's, you know. (Starts writing) Your address, sir?


Man

For God's sake, could you please stop writing for just one minute... We'll think of something, won't we? Just look at her! So affectionate. Positively gorgeous? Don't you think?

Woman

All boxers are affectionate.

Man

And, boy, is she smart! Positively amazing! Let me tell you a story. You won't believe it. We were walking along...

Woman

(Cutting him off) Please, sir, no more stories. When it comes to dogs, I assure you I wasn't born yesterday.

Man

But please, Madam, just hear me out... we were...

Woman

Enough is enough! I'm not much for idle chatter.

Man

Why on earth must you be such a sourpuss?

Woman

(Sarcastically) Because that's just the way I am. (Picks up pen)

Man

That's a shame!

Woman

(Aggressively) Why, am I being rude?

Man

No, not at all, but...

Woman

Am I violating any rules?

Man

No, of course not, but...

Woman

Or am I detaining you with long-winded conversations?
        

Man

No, nothing of the sort, but...

Woman

Or perhaps you expect me to get up (gets up, advances toward him) and offer you a cup of tea?--(Ironically) "While you're at it, Ma'am, why not throw a piece of cake into the bargain?"--Is that what you want? And to think, my goodness, that I forgot to express my profound gratitude for your visit: (Ironically) "Thank you, sir, for your gracious visit. Be sure to look in on us more often... It has been a great pleasure..." (Sits down, regains composure)

Man

(Pulling back) Please don't blow your top, Ma'am! I really didn't mean it the way it sounded.

(The woman picks up her pen silently and reaches for the ledger)

Woman

Address?

Man

Don't you think she might qualify as a show dog? I am serious! I've trained her myself. (Gives command) Bubbles, sit! (Bubbles springs to life, happy as can be, and wags her tail) I said: "Sit!" (Bubbles rubs her nose against her master's feet and, looking him in the eye, tries to understand his command. The man addresses the woman apologetically) She's just a puppy, you know. (Protectively) She is too young to understand... (To Bubbles) Sit! (Bubbles sits down and looks up devotedly at her master. The latter, beaming with pride, continues) Did you see that? And look at the way she is sitting-- paws to the side, head tilted... pure pedigree!

Woman

(Involuntarily gazing at the dog) Yes, she is pure-bred!

Man

(Excitedly) You bet! She's gonna win some medals all right! (To Bubbles) You will, won't you, honey? (To the woman) The Kennel Club will pounce on her! You'll see!

Woman

No, they won't.

Man

And why not? What do you mean?

Woman

She doesn't have any papers... as proof of pedigree.

Man

So?... Take a good look at her and tell me she isn't pedigree! Besides, she isn't some fancy countess, so why does she need papers?

Woman

That's just the way it's done!

Man

You mean she can't even breathe without a certificate? Like us humans?


Woman

That's right.


Man

And why is that?

Woman

(Sighing) For a dog lover, you are incredibly naive. I assure you the Kennel Club won't take her.

Man

What's wrong with them? Aren't they human?

Woman

That's just the point. I mean, they are human.

(Pause)

Man

Well, couldn't she be a watchdog someplace?

Woman

No, they only take German shepherds for that. And only males. Yours is female. (Silence. The man reaches for a cigarette) No smoking!

Man

I'm sorry. (Thrusts cigarettes back into shirt pocket)

Woman

Why did you bring her here, anyway, sir? Was it your wife's doing? Perhaps the dog got in her way?

Man

No, I live alone.

Woman

How is that?

Man

The usual thing... wife ran off with the kids.

Woman

Just got up and left, huh? What was it about you, if I may ask, that she didn't like?

Man

The hell with her! That... I don't want to say anything bad about her. And don't ask me to say anything good about her either. There isn't any.

Woman

Really? Nothing good?!

Man

Please, let's not talk about her. O.K.?

Woman

So, how are you getting along now?


Man

Oh... so and so... I am sort of a loner. There's only one thing in the whole world that's mine... Come Bubbles, come! (Pats dog)

Woman

So why not keep the dog?

Man

But what about my work?

Woman

Everybody works, sir. Why should a dog be a problem?

Man

That depends on the kind of work. For example, I work for the railways. I'm always on the road...

Woman

Somehow, you've managed quite well till now, haven't you?

Man

That's just it: "Somehow". At first I took vacation leave--three weeks' worth. Then I got lucky: I caught a cold! So I called in sick... Finally, I had to go back to work. Couldn't help it. But I refused to go on the road, at least for the time being... I worked at the depot. But this was no solution. Bubbles was home all alone, whimpering, howling. The neighbors swamped the Complaints Bureau with abusive letters, cursing, frothing at the mouth, threatening to kill her! (Momentary silence) And they'll do it, too, those swine! You know what sort of people we are dealing with here, don't you?

Woman

I certainly do!

(Pause)

Man

(Beseechingly) So what should I do? I'm at my wits' end.

Woman

It's not so bad. It's a little hard at first, but when she grows up, she'll get used to staying home alone.


Man

Yes, yes, but I can't be stuck in the depot forever. They need me on the road. The crew is getting restless. They're saying: "Stop playing the fool or quit your job and let somebody else have it." So you see, don't you, I'm at a dead end.

Woman

Couldn't you leave your dog with someone while you're away? You know, for a day or two?

Man

For a day or two, maybe... but not for a month or how about three?

Woman

Three months?! I've never heard of trips lasting that long. You could go around the world in that time. Are you serious?

Man

Yes, indeed, lady! You see, we are refrigeration specialists. We work for the railroads.
                

Woman

Refrigeration specialists?

Man

Yes. We're in charge of the refrigeration cars. (Authoritatively) It's our professional responsibility to maintain the appropriate temperature wherever needed. You know what I mean?

Woman

But why do your trips take so long?

Man

How else could you do it? For instance, we load up with fish in Murmansk and unload in Tashkent in the south. In Tashkent, we stuff our cars with fruit and drive on to the Pacific. We then dump the fruit and load up on meat. From there we head for Moscow. And so on. Sometimes we are on the road for six months at a stretch. So, tell me, who has time for a dog?

Woman

Have you tried finding a home for her with your friends?

Man

(Dejectedly) Yes, but nobody wants her. One person complains that his apartment is too small, another says he is going away for the summer. No one has time for a dog. Everybody puts up such a fuss...

Woman

I know... nobody has any time.

Man

There's this kid in our apartment house. He pestered me for days on end: "Let me have Bubbles, Mister, please, pretty please!" So I gave him the puppy. Boy, you should have seen him. He was in heaven.


Woman

So what happened then?

Man

His mother comes running back with the puppy: "I'm sorry, sir, but I can't let a dog keep my boy away from his studies. I won't allow it!" While she raves and rants, the poor boy is standing right behind her crying his heart out... (Pause) So I take Bubbles to my sister's--she'd been moaning about how she wants a dog for ages. Well, believe it or not, Sadie says no. Why not, you ask? (The woman shrugs her shoulders) You'd never guess! Pedigree! "A royal poodle I would take," she says, "but boxers, well... they're out of fashion these days." That's my Sadie for you. What do you make of that? (Strokes Bubbles while talking to her) Listen, Bubbles! You aren't in fashion any more! Did you know that? Sadie wants a poodle. Not just any old poodle, honey. A royal poodle!

Woman

It's true. Boxers are no longer in fashion.

Man

In fashion?! What do I care about fashion? Bubbles isn't some piece of clothing! (Pounds the desk with his fist) How can you talk about fashion when it comes to living things! Maybe you and I are out of fashion! Did you ever think about that? (Jabs his finger into the fashion magazine lying on the woman's desk. Sarcastically) So what are those chic fashion magazines of yours saying about us? Ha! Sooner or later, we'll all end up in the dumpster!

Woman

(Pushing the fashion magazine aside) Pipe down, sir, pipe down, please! Why all this rage? (Silence. The man reaches for his cigarettes) No smoking! (The man puts the cigarettes back in his shirt pocket. Pause)


Man

(Restless) So I sweated over this business all month until finally last Tuesday I took Bubbles and rode with her to the other end of town. Well... and I left her there... I said to myself: Someone will give her a home. Then I went home. Would you believe, the moment I stepped inside my apartment, I felt like howling. One look at her bowl and at the little ball she used to chew on and this horrible feeling comes over me... Three days pass. Late one night I hear someone scraping at the door. I open the door--it's her! It's Bubbles! Thin as a rake, pooped out... and what's the first thing she does? She leaps all over me, licking and barking... I felt like scum... real scum... (When Bubbles senses that she is being talked about, she jumps up, wags her tail and curls up at her master's feet. Man's voice trembles) Tomorrow, it's back on the road.

(Pause)

Woman

(Unexpectedly severe) Now look here, sir! This is no place for heart-rending farewells! I have enough to do around here as it is.

Man

Why, am I in your way?

Woman

(Spitefully) No, why should you be? You're a great help! (Pause) So, have you decided to give up your dog or not?

Man

(Flaming up) Give up? Why, you dog! You bark and carry on... You just wait! Soon you'll be biting like a dog. Yes, you sound just like a bitch! (Catching the woman's unfriendly glance, he proceeds a little more cautiously)... I'm sorry, Ma'am, but that's the only word that fits.

Woman

It's all right, sir. I really don't consider it an insult.

Man

So much the better.

Woman

Of course, if you keep on running off at the mouth, I shall have to show you out. You can't conduct yourself here as if you were at home. This is a respectable establishment. (Silence) Well, sir, do you intend to sit here all day? Do you see that hallway? (Pointing to door) I'll bet there's a line forming out there right now.

Man

It's so hard for me to make up my mind. Do you understand?

Woman

If it's so hard, then you shouldn't have come. People are waiting, while you rattle on and on.

Man

There wasn't anybody waiting when I came.

Woman

Yes, but it's almost closing time. They'll be lining up soon enough.

Man

Lady, you don't have a heart. That's what's wrong with you.

Woman

That's the way I am.

Man

You could use a little feeling, you know.

Woman

(Ironically) What for?

Man

(Surprised) Why a little feeling?

Woman

Yes.

Man

What kind of question is that?

Woman

And you--you have this "feeling"?

Man

Another strange question! Sure, I'll give you an answer! What I'm trying to say is that you're...


Woman

(Cutting him off) Leave me out of this, please! (Pause) Who is giving up the dog, you or I? (The man remains silent) Well, now that we agree on something, why don't we drop all this prattle about feelings, and get on with the business at hand. (Pause) So your dog is not registered?

Man

No, she's not.

Woman

(Maliciously yet with quiet triumph) In that case, I won't take her.

Man

And why not?

Woman

Regulations, sir! First, you'll have to pay a five ruble fine for illegal possession of an animal. Then come and see me. And with a receipt. (Slams the ledger shut)

Man

(Confused) Where do I pay the fine?

Woman

At the Third Veterinary Station.

Man

(Exasperated) Receipts, vets, shmets! What will they think of next?... Just to add to our misery! (The woman doesn't respond) What if I pay the fine directly to you?

Woman

No need for that, sir!

Man

OK, forget the five. How about ten? (Hands her the money)

Woman

(Sneering) Aren't we being generous today?

Man

(Disturbed) What's the matter? Not enough? I have lots more where that came from. (Again reaches into his pocket)

Woman

I've already said there is no need for that.

Man

What difference does it make where I pay the fine?

Woman

A big difference--if you ask me!

Man

Why should I have to drag myself from office to office?


Woman

That's your problem, sir.

Man

You mean--otherwise you won't take her?

Woman

Precisely!

Man

(Sighing) So where is this Vet Station of yours?

Woman

(Reluctantly) It's close by. In the adjacent building.

Man

Thanks. (Prepares to leave. Stops in his tracks. Defiant) No way, lady! I won't go! Here, take it! (Again reaches into his pocket) Do you have change for 25 rubles?

Woman

(Laughing) If I had that kind of money, somebody would have snatched me up long ago!

Man

You mean you're not married?

Woman

I'm afraid not.

Man

(The man ponders the situation for a moment. His face beams) I have an idea... (With delight. Authoritatively) May I respectfully propose that you take Bubbles home with you? You won't feel so lonely then.

Woman

And I thought you were about to propose... to me.

Man

(Looks at her significantly for the very first time. With bravado) Now that you mention it, I'm all yours. Just give the word.

Woman

Just like that?


Man

Sure, why wait? I'll be back on the road tomorrow.

Woman

I'll bet you would do anything for your dog, wouldn't you?

Man

What makes you say that?... We'd make a great match, lady! You and me!


Woman

But I don't have a heart. Remember?

Man

It's true, you sure have a temper! But I'll take the risk.

Woman

How brave you are! You aren't afraid of anything, are you?

Man

Afraid? Of what? After putting up with my ex? Nothing could be more terrifying than her.

Woman

You must have been in love with her. You can't seem to get her out of your mind.

Man

Well, to be frank, she really wasn't bad. She was just like any other wife. I could've lived with her, even if she did nag me to death... I'd just play deaf. I could forgive her an awful lot, but (voice rising) what I could never forgive her for (pounding the desk with his fist) is... leaving me. I'll never forgive her for that! (Bubbles jumps up, startled. The man calms her down) Sit down, sit down, honey. No need to be afraid. (Once again the dog curls up at her master's feet)

Woman

Why did she leave you?

Man

Why don't you ask her yourself... I don't really know what the hell more she could have wanted. We had a fine house crammed with everything under the sun. Everything worked like magic: the doors, the faucets, the locks. As smooth as a machine. There were shelves and dressers and cabinets everywhere you looked. Would you believe, I made them all with my own hands!... And when it came to money... boy oh boy!... You know, lady, (looking directly into her eyes as he leans over the desk) I rake in more money in one month than a dozen poor stiffs in a year.

Woman

And where do you get this kind of money, may I ask? Do the railroads pay that much?!

Man

(Satirical) Of course! If you don't mind waiting till doomsday!... (Haughty) We manage very well on our own, thank you!

Woman

How is that?

Man

(Slightly embarrassed) Well, when we load up with fish in Murmansk--we put away some of the action for ourselves.
                                

Woman

"We"? Who is "we"?

Man

The gang. The buddies I work with on the refrigeration cars... We then dump the fish in Tashkent. They can never get enough of it. We then load up with fruit and off we go to Siberia... That's how I earn...

Woman

Your daily bread?

Man

Bread? (Laughs) Not only bread, Miss! Try bread and butter. And, you guessed it, everybody wants to get on our gravy train. (Laughs again at own humor) "Sure," I say, "you can join, but how about three grand for starters." (Boastful) Even then, who knows, I may not want to give them a piece of the action.

Woman

You have done well for yourself, haven't you?

Man

(Proud) Sure, a man has gotta make a living, don't you think? But, believe me, it's not been all downhill. We have problems, too, like everybody else. If you want to make a killing in this business, you gotta know how to manage. Nothing gets done by itself. Sometimes we come into a station and hang around for three weeks before they load the train. That smart alec Director--you know, of Warehouses--well, he passes our cars like he doesn't know who we are. The bastard just keeps staring at the sky. Meanwhile, there go our annual bonuses--right down the drain! (Emphasizes with hand gesture while looking directly into the woman's eyes) No grease, no action! Know what I mean, lady?!... Then come the big shots. They all want their cut... But don't worry, I've been at this refrigeration business fourteen years. I've got customers everywhere... The gang sticks to me like glue.                
                

Woman

Why, are they children or something? Don't they know how to take care of themselves?

Man

(With bravado) Where would they be without me? They are greedy little bastards, but brains they ain't got. Just recently, we got stuck at a station in Georgia. So I went to investigate, to see what's what. Meanwhile, the guys get wind of a shipment of brandy. They find out where the tank is, pick up their bottle... would you believe, a 10 gallon milk can (laughing)... we had this can put aside for just these occasions--and then they fly off like a band of gypsies to pour themselves some. And--you guessed it--they leave the car unguarded. And I keep beating it into their heads night and day: "Never leave the car unprotected!"

Woman

(Cutting him off) Wait a second! What do you mean by "pour themselves some"?

Man

Well, there are all sorts of ways... in fact, by the time we're done with it, the can is full, but so is the tank! Ha-ha! (laughs) and no one is the wiser... so they "pour" it, all right. (Still laughing) Then they turn around and go back. Just then I show up on the scene--would you believe, no car!

Woman

What do you mean "no car"?

Man

The usual thing, you know... we run around in circles, some here, some there, until we wear our butts off. By a miracle, we found our refrigeration car two kilometers away. Right next to it we found a freight truck, and in this truck we saw a bunch of no-good crooks making off with carcasses--I'm talking dozens of carcasses--from our car. So one guy grabs a crowbar, another grabs a monkey-wrench and, boy, we finally get our car back. But the truck scampered off with our meat, and the milk container is nowhere in sight. Must've happened while we were busy fighting... (Mocking) "Are they children or something?" Is that what you just asked?! Are you kidding?

Woman

You do lead a strange life.

Man

Not really, it's all quite normal.

Woman

And your buddies? Aren't they strange?

Man

As normal as you and me. They're just a bit too efficient for their own good.

Woman

And you?


Man

Well, I could teach them a lesson or two. As a matter of fact, I'm sort of "leader of the pack". I've got to stay on top or else they'll chew me to pieces.

Woman

So what was it about you that your wife couldn't stand?

Man

(Taken aback) What?! (Thinking) Well, you see, she was bored. I work my ass off like a mule. I dress her up from head to toe and she is "bored"! Do you have any idea how many dresses she's got, not to mention every other piece of junk she's managed to squeeze out of me? You could run a train for a whole year on her wardrobe. And all I ever heard from her was: "Give up your job! Quit that job of yours, honey!"

Woman

She didn't like those long separations, did she?

Man

That, too. But even when I was home, would you believe, she wouldn't let me go play dominoes with my buddies. "It's enough," she'd say, "just trying to get you to see the kids." And I...

Woman

(Cutting him off) Are the kids grown up?

Man

Well, now they're grown up. My son just finished school, and my daughter is in ninth grade... No, I take it back, in eighth...

Woman

(Pensive. Tinge of sarcasm) I understand!

Man

And, on top of that, she took offense because I wouldn't call or write. What is there to call about? It's always the same routine with us: we load up and get a move on, we move on and we unload.

Woman

(Pensive. Tinge of sarcasm) I understand!

Man

She didn't know how to wait, wouldn't stay faithful... (pats Bubbles) Take a look at this bundle of joy with drooping ears! So tiny but, boy, is she loyal. And you keep talking about my wife... that wife of mine is no match for her.

Woman

I am not talking about her.

Man

(Making a fist) The bitch... she was lucky, she got away with it. She ran off before I had a chance to... if I had caught her with that bastard... I would've beaten them both to a pulp. (Silent for a moment)... Anyway, good riddance! That's all in the past, and I am not about to look back. What's done is done. But, why don't you tell me something about yourself?... So, why aren't you married?

Woman

Just like that? You expect me to spill out my guts to you? Just like that?


Man

And why not?

Woman

(A hint of rudeness) Well, I'll have you know, sir, that I don't go around spilling my guts out to strangers.

Man

Boy, you are a feisty gal, aren't you?

Woman

I'm sorry, but that's the way I am. (Pause) Well, are you giving up the dog or not?

(With trembling fingers, the man reaches for his cigarette pack and thrusts it back into his shirt pocket)

Man

She won't feel anything, Miss, will she?

Woman

No, don't worry. It won't hurt. A little jolt and it's all over.

(The man looks at the dog. Catching his gaze, Bubbles wags her tail in delight. The woman picks up her pen and reaches for the ledger)

Man

(Ill at ease) What are you writing there?

Woman

I am recording your dog's...

Man

(Slams the ledger shut) Wait a minute! Why are you in such a hurry?... For you, Bubbles is just another animal. But to me she is a lot more... You may think it's funny, but--would you believe--she makes me feel like a human being again. At long last, somebody really needs me. But the main thing is that she doesn't love me for my money or my job... not even because I'm kind to her. She just loves me, that's all. (Pause) And how she waits for me everyday. It's such a joy to come home... I turn on the TV and there she is lying at my feet. Such a cute, warm little creature. You know, we watch television together... In fact, I've even given up drinking... Do you understand? I'm a god to her! I'm everything to her! And now you want to turn on the knife-switch on her?!

(Pause)


Woman

In that case, why don't you wait for a while? Think about it for a day or two. Maybe you'll find a way out.

Man

I can't wait any longer. I've agonized over this long enough. And I've gotta get back to work.

Woman

Come on, couldn't you wait a few more days?

Man

No, I've already dilly-dallied long enough. I've already taken time off, changed shifts, asked friends to house-sit for me... (sighing) I don't have any more strength left in me.                                 

Woman

(Decisively) Well, then, why don't you hand her over and be done with it?

Man